So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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