I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
