i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
50% drunk capacity currently
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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