I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
