I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
