That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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