Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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