I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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