chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
