She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
