Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
