I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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