We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
