I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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