You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
