You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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