You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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