is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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