you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They took my balls.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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