I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
