The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
