She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
