My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
