I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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