i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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