just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
