So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
