Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
