I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
