We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
