Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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