32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
