It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
