I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
