i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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