also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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