So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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