there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
