I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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