soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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