i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
ttyl tear gas
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
