Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
