Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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