Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
