even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All I want is dick and wine.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
