Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
