I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
