why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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