hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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