Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
