i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
