I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
