I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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