Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
