i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
