We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
two words: eviction party
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
