There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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