I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
