I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Randomize
