I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
