so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
