Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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