if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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