I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
