wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
