why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
