Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
