You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
