Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
