i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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