Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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