Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
