Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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