I think im going to throw up on grandma
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
