I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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