Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
